Saturday

10 Easy Steps Toward Becoming the CIA


Step 1: Make covert deals with middle eastern countries, exchanging arms for natural resources.

Step 2: Carefully moniter their "democratic" elections (generally support the more tyrannical candidates in order to maintain steady control of the region).

Step 3: When democracy prevails, but not in the direction you intended, send in troops to "stabilize" the area.

Step 4: Begin a rigorous ad campaign at home to make sure the public is a-ok with you attacking that nation (be sure to use words like communists, socialists, racists, terrorists etc).

Step 5: When available, be sure to support militant uprisings that have the potential to overthrow democratically elected leaders that disagree with your view.

Step 6: When the country falls into chaos, be sure to send in waves and waves of troops suppress any further uprisings.

Step 7: Construct clandestine prisons and round up "suspicious" people that might not want you in their homeland.

Step 8: Upgrade "techniques" (like simulating drowning, rubbing feces all over their bodies, rapings, beatings, attaching electrical cords to their testicles, tie them up and allow dogs to attack them etc) to get necessary information out of prisoners (such as where other people that disagree with your presence in their country might be).

Step 9: Disregard international human rights laws and treaties. NOTE: be sure not to apologise nor pay any reparations because these are signs of weakness.

Step 10: Justify all of your actions in the name of freedom and democracy.